Let’s get the real reason you’re here out of the way- is the p*rn good? yes. absolutely. the female p*rn is fantastic. The male p*rn is nonexistent. All the men look like vaguely skin-colored silhouettes with d*cks that would need to be registered as weapons in most states. But let’s be honest, you’re not here for the men. The girls look great and that’s all that matters.
The gameplay is simple- point where you want to shoot with one of five guns available, and blast away while running to the right. It’s contra rules: the rifle is decent, the shotgun is great for taking down flying enemies, the flak gun is unusable, the machine gun is useless without a hundred upgrades and the rpg is fantastic. You also get a set of four powerups which you collect from dead enemies. The powerups are for temporarily boosting your stats like fire speed, reload speed, and firepower. Do note that there is no way to heal yourself in the first six levels.
Let’s talk level structure: every level has you running to the right, shooting monsters on the way. The monsters give you coins, and with enough coins you clear the level. Any time you lose to a monster, you get a gif of monster lewds. Technically, you can just leave the level as soon as you get enough coins. However, every single level has one or two secondary objectives. Every level except the final level have a person to rescue that should be within 500 to 700 meters. Levels 4 through 6 have a second objective- get to a gem which will unlock another cutscene. These gems increase your score too, giving you a lot of money. However, they are a bit harder to get to, as they are often past the 700 meter mark.
Things you need to know: this game is a terrible grindfest with awful punishments for not grinding. In order to get the cutscene in the second level, either your shotgun or your rifle must have over 50 power. That means hours of grinding, and if you die before rescuing the person or getting the gem on any level that you clear, you don’t get a second shot at them. Theoretically, you can use the powerups to make yourself nigh unstoppable at times, but they have a very low drop rate. If you aren’t using this game to scratch your contra itch, then you need to cheat.
How to 100% this game:
First, if you are using a keyboard, you should probably go through level one for a few runs just to get the hang of using A and D for movement and spacebar to jump. I know I had to spend a while practicing that while shooting.
Second, you should cheat. The enemies give way too little money to get through this game before you are sick of it. use “p” to pull up the cheat menu and enter “m” in the box. press ok, and you get a lot a money. repeat this a couple times. I managed to clear the game by giving myself 500 grand. It takes ten seconds and it makes the game playable.
Now that you have a literal mountain of money, upgrade your shotgun until every upgrade starts costing about 10,000 coins except power. Give the shotgun 50-100 power depending on how much difficulty you want. 100 power will let you clear the game in 2 hours, while 50 power is for those who want a bit of a challenge. just remember: every secondary objective is miss-able. You really don’t want to miss them. Every secondary objective completed will increase the spawn rate of more rare and interesting monsters to “coincidentally” lose to.
The shotgun will carry you until level 6. Level six and seven have a ridiculous difficulty spike that would make anyone without cheats give up. Thankfully, with cheats, they are the most fun levels in the game. When you beat level 5, you get access to the machine gun. upgrade the living daylights out of it. with 200 power and enough upgrades to make every other stat cost 10 grand, the machine gun is the only gun you will ever need. For those without cheats, beating level 6 gives you the rpg. it goes through walls and its upgrades are cheap. It’ll carry you to the end of the game with a few upgrades.
The final boss is an absolute cheat. It has an unfair amount of health and its attack will hit hard even with cheats. stay ahead of it and don’t run into too many of its minions while you’re running away, shooting behind you. With cheats, it only takes a few minutes of hitting it with a lot of machine gun fire. Without cheats, it’ll take a little longer, but not by much. The boss technically has a few “phases” where it runs away only to come back when you chase after it. the Bazooka passes through walls and has no upper range. Just snipe him to death and go collect your boyfriend. Do note that there is a bug with the final level. you need to complete the level, then go back in for the cutscene.
So, is the game good? With cheats, absolutely. Still, the fact that you need cheats to enjoy it is a bit disappointing. At least the monsters are well programmed and the cutscenes are fantastically drawn.
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