just as a note i’d really recommend going through the game and finding these yourself, however if you missed some and don;t feel like reaplying the level just to get it, or the dialogue is a pain in the ass to get then you can read it here.
any secret related things are spoilered
Have you tried the new coffee burger? That ♥♥♥♥ slaps.
The Smells from the Lab make me nauseous. There’s something wrong with the ventilation system here.
I’m so tired of cleaning up excrement. Why me?
What’s that smell?
I can’t talk right now. I’m running late.
I wish I was at home playing Gorbino’s Quest.
We’ve made a breakthrough combining rat and human DNA. The result isn’t exactly what we expected though…
BIOGURRNGY!! I AM MONEY… I AM GOD!
INVEST. INVESTIGATE. THE FUTURE OF CURRENCY.
SLURPCOIN DOT COM. FLIPPERBUCKS. PLUGGING MY BODY INTO THE BIOCURRENCY TERMINAL. FUTURE
Boss has been bullying me all the time recently. I hope someone kills him.
(This man is here to free me)
(What a beautiful angelic being)
(I will now rest)
I used to be a janitor here, then I found this place.
Now I live here rent free and steal company secrets from the lab’s trash.
It wasn’t always this nice here. I’ve put a lot of work into renovation.
Please don’t tell anyone about me. I don’t want to go back to mopping the office floors. That place is rank.
Death Room Guy
Hello. Welcome to Pure Optics. I was told you’d be coming here soon.
You’re here for the procedure right? Life getting to you? Seems like it judging by your face.
Proceed down the hallway and use the soul emulator when you’re ready. Everything’s been already paid for so you don’t have to worry.
After you’re done you’ll notice things that previously seemed impossible are now easy, new openings presenting themselves to you every single day.
It’s truly life-changing.
My neighbour loves deconstructed classic rock. That’s fine but he should get headphones.
Do you hear that screaming?
Are you one of those open carry guys? I respect that.
What are you doing here?
Weird mushrooms keep growing on my lawn. I really don’t need this ♥♥♥♥ in my life right now.
They’re trying to make it legal to cook meth. Don’t get me wrong I’m into freedom but that’s a step too far.
Chunkopop G-Tech Executive
Who are you? Oh you’re here to check out my chunkopops?
I’m absolutely nuts about these guys. Must have spent over $100000 on them by now.
Do you have a favourite? Me? It’s hard to choose. They’re all my children.
Man it’s so nice to meet another chunko enthusiast…
G-Tech Exec in the blue house
Who are you?
Get out of here.
Leave me alone.
What did I just tell you?
I’m trying to work here.
No you can’t help.
You’re a piece of piss.
Qurpit G-Tech Exec
Ever heard of Qurpit? Decentralised personal server. Take back your data.
You don’t understand huh? Typical Earthling…
Leave me alone I’m trying to program in Zoon, the Qurpit programming language for Mercurians.
Don’t mean to brag but the alphabet soup agencies have been tracking me for years.
I’ve been living in this compound all this time. Though I did have a short vacation in the alps just recently.
It’s incredible you can just live out your life as a fugitive in a gated community.
Those losers will never find me, and even if they did they would have no chance against my elite security.
Sin Space Engineering
Did you know we also make tactical nuclear warheads? That’s how we fund the space business. Pretty cool.
Working conditions here are quite rough but it’s all for the greater good. Some sacrifices have to be made.
The space elevator construction is behind schedule. It’s making me depressed.
According to the latest research the living conditions on Mercury aren’t that bad.
Oh you’re one of the new security hires?
One day I’ll be on that rocket to Mercury. Then my dad will respect me.
What’s that, you want to get into fishing?
Do you seriously have what it takes or do you just do whatever is trendy?
When I started fishing everyone made fun of me. Now they have the audacity to ask for tips. ♥♥♥♥ them.
Well, you actually swam all the way here so maybe you’re different.
Feel free to grab my old rod. I just ordered a new one from Fish&Fun. Should be a pretty good upgrade.
I got sent here on a mission to kill the CEO.
I got scared so now I’ve been hiding out in this server room for two weeks.
I’ve been subsisting on hamburger leftovers left here by the server guy.
Maybe I can finally leave now that you’re here.
Keep having these recurring nightmares of turning into a bouncy castle… It’s freaking me out.
Someone’s in my head. I can feel someone else’s body as if it was mine.
I’ve lost count of days.
The sounds here at night… I don’t know… I just don’t….
I got locked up in here because someone saw me naked through my bathroom window. Can you believe it?
If anything whoever reported me should be locked up for stalking.
They said they’re going to fine me for $20k. I’m already twice that in debt so it’s not a big deal. Besides my credit score is good.
The police department is a business like any other huh…
Mouse of pain… Mouse of shame… What are you here for?
I’m worried about your homunculus. It has been playing too many video games recently. It’s important to take a 15 minute break once an hour.
Remember to eat, sleep, and stay hydrated. That’s my message to all beings of flesh.
Good luck on your travels. In this world and others.
Dropped by GamesGames only to find out they’re all out of Gorbino’s Quest. Do you know about artificial scarcity?
I simply adore Megamall atmosphere. The hustle and bustle, the beat of the city, the squirming chthonic energy. Magnificent.
So apparently the fleshrats just escaped from some biotech lab? Great job.
You’re here to protect the governor? Don’t take this personally. I don’t like him. He’s making life hard for people of wealth.
If you put your ear against the wall you might hear the mall speak. That’s the urban legend says anyways.
Had a meat lover’s at the Pizza House. I think the meatoids they put on them have become worse quality recently.
Punishment huh… What’s that?
Apparently there’s a minor fleshrat infestation going on here… Thankfully haven’t seen any myself.
I’m here to buy Chunko pops for my son. He can’t get enough of that plastic crap.
The Donut World at the main plaza is completely overrun by cops due to the rally. I really wanted to feast on some of those delicious treats.
Punishment Store Guy
Oh hey, it’s you!
I’m just here to relax and do some light shopping. Really helps clear out your mind. Put the work day behind you, you know.
Well that’s what I was trying until I paid a visit to the bookstore.
Something off about that place. I swear I could hear groaning in the walls. And all the books are ancient… Like early 90’s or something.
Can that really be profitiable? Probably a money laundering thing.
Either way I’m staying away from that place.
Our planet is rotting yet nobody does a thing. We’ve been lulled into a deep sleep by corporate interests.
I’m proposing a revolutionary concept, progressive income tax, as well as a 1% tax on corporate profits.
We’ve allowed this to continue for too long. The soul of the collective human bioconsciousness has become weak.
They say I have to live here because I’ve sinned.
Your late on your rent again. I called the cops so they’re here to evict you I guess. The speed and precision with which they work at is incredible.
Get out of here loser. Can’t you see this is an exclusive party?
You’re killing the vibe.
The Super AI Emerges from an extremely pornographic ultra hyper suck and ♥♥♥♥…
…The world becomes engulfed in a paroxysm of ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ frenzy.
Senior citizen dropping dead from brain frying giga-orgasms…
…It’s all because of the leftists honestly.
Whoa where’d you come from I didn’t notice you at all!
Were you listening? I’m crafting a new splurtchain to impress my followers.
I have thousands of followers. They say im blacksuppositoried and debased.
♥♥♥♥ Le Doody
Hello. Where’d you come from? My name is ♥♥♥♥ Le Doody.
I changed my name because I wanted to seem more high class.
Now I see it was all a big joke. You see, my wife just recently died.
She was a real distinguished eurocrat. A very stiff and serious person. But her income allowed me to live this lavish lifestyle.
I always wanted to rot an expensive apartment like this, surrounded by beauty, in a way only the aristocrats can.
Can’t believe I actually had it for all these years…
I’ll have to move into a regenerative off-grid art commune again. ♥♥♥♥ this.
When I heard about the opportunity to live here as a permanent resident I immediately took the chance. I don’t regret it one bit.
I just love the salty sea air.
Don’t get too excited my boy. Oh my ahahaha
If you think about it, the joint stock company truly is the perfect model for all-governance.
Some say biocurrency is disgusting, to me, it’s a natural evolution.
We finally have it. We’re finally sovereign. Just a couple of shareholders grabbing hold of their destinies on the open seas. Beautiful.
I’m about to master the swamp. Becoming swampform.
Soon it’ll be over for all of you. My pores are big and the ooze with power.
Witness my rebirth. In a week or so.
It’s going to be breathtaking.
The prizes aren’t so good. Definitely not worth it. Yet here I am.
I’m financially successful. I’m desirable. I’m a multi-millionaire. I will get what I want. I’m a multi-millionaire…
I heard the jackpot from the GunMachine is very powerful. Some kind of advanced superweapon.
Interior design is all about minimal scandinavian sewers right now. It’s so elegant
First they string you in with a victory streak, then you’re feeling good about yourself until you lose everything.
The atmosphere here is so fancy. It makes you feel rich even if you’re not.
They’ve really outdone themselves with this years ball.
…Sorry what did you say? I was thinking about controlled depopulation. There’s too many of us on this planet.
I love deconstrcuted classic rock. Huh you don’t know about it? You don’t listen to music? Freak!
Please go to changing room and get dressed. I assume you’re one of the blue uniforms? Do as I say.
Can’t wait for the party to really start.
No one cared who I was until I put on the mask… Haha oh my, I know it’s plebeian but I simply love popular culture.
I can really only let go when I’m here at the Rothenburg Fortress, surrounded by the harsh untoched wilderness. Here I can be my true self.
I’m encumbered with deep thoughts.
Tired of people calling this a secret society. Anyone can join if they deposit the yearly one billion dollar membership fee…
You going to Mercury too? That’s so passe…
Pure Optics Guy
Stuck in a rut? The good people at Pure Optics will fix you right back up.
They have an office right next to that pharmaceutical company that caused the fleshrat infestation. I can’t remember the name but I’m sure you can find it.
Good luck, I can see that you have what it takes to become a top exec.
(Hahaha… He can’t see me.)
Wait, you know I’m here? How’s that even possible?
The smell? God, should have known. I paid good money for this but it’s completely useless. Just like me.
Despite having money I will never amount to anything. This is what it’s like to be the child of a trillionaire. Ridiculous. Pathetic.
All our systems have been down today because of a logic bomb activated by a former developer. I’m not supposed to say this but I’m glad it happened.
Just to clarify I’m only here until I can my own company off the ground. I’m trying to break into potato farming logistics.
Workworkworkworkwork…. ♥♥♥♥. ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ PIECE OF ♥♥♥♥ COMPUTER.
So what do you think? OOP vs functional programming? You don’t care?? Get the ♥♥♥♥ out of here.
You seem different from the other security guys. Like you have less emotion somehow. Haha just ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ with you bro.
They’re saying Gorbino’s Quest doesn’t run on my PC because of the game engine. I’m not having that, I’m leaving a negative review.
It’s all ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥. The code is all spaghetti and they’re bringing in more people to fix it, which only makes it worse.
Chief Technology Officer
I am sad sack of ♥♥♥♥. I huff and I puff and I suffer. I am number two.
I’m the Chief Technology Officer of this ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥. I coordinate the code apes and make sure they’re in as much pain as possible.
I’ve been getting really into “hell”. Both as a mindset and as something to strive for in an organisational sense.
There’s something intensely beautiful about it.
Dreaming is important.
Head of the HR Department
I am fine. I shine. I am simply divine…
I am head of the HR Department around here. I am feared and loved.
Human resources… Simple material to be formed as I please, into my own image. That’s how it goes around here.
My dream, a large ball of human bodies rolling across vast plains, flattening everything it comes across.
Ahhh…. I would love that.
Chief Security Officer
I am number three. I pulsate. I laugh.
I am the Chief Security Officer. Chaos is imaginary…. Time is a frigid crystal of perfect order. From any point in time it’s trivial to calculate any other.
There’s a limited number of possible steps. I can rotate time in my head.
My job is pretty pointless as security is inherent in everything. Some disagree with me. They suck.
I mostly just drink coffee and play with guns.
Chief Finances Officer
I don’t really enjoy this number thing.
I’m the Chief Finances Officer. But I also handle other types of “asset liquidations”
Oh you work for me?
Since you’re here… Could you deal with the others for me? I hate this work environment. It needs a hard reset.
Oh you’re here to do that? That’s great!
Get to it then alright?
Corporate Arch Demoness
Shouldn’t you be at work?
Can’t you see I’ve got a business to run?
I need to liquidate some assets.
The Psycho Freak Nootropic Company stock is down by 95%. Serves them right.
Business isn’t just numbers on a screen. It’s blood and guts. It’s primal violence. If you can’t handle that you should just jump out of that window.
All my decisions are based on the heat signature of the sun. The algorithm is proprietary.
Even if you kill me I’ll always be here. You’ll just ruin your life like the ♥♥♥♥ up you are.
You’ll never figure it out, meathead.
I must be sleeping.
Is this real?
I heard the 640×480 resolution was passed down to us by the gods. It allows you to see the unseen. Huh?
Are you even human?
Say what you will but this place is intensely beautiful.
So the world is ending I guess? Is that it?
LET ME OUT!
Uh what happened where am I?
Holy Scope Guy
What are you doing here you absolute moron?
Can’t you tell you shouldn’t be here at all?
You better not touch any of my crap or you’ll sorely regret it you dumbass.
There’s some things people like you shouldn’t be allowed to mess with.
You’ve been here before. I’m sure of that.
Nobody knows where the glow in the horizon comes from. This is not a place of knowledge.
You’re going to the mansion? Why?
You can kill me but it won’t end this.
You’re not from around here. I can tell.
There’s an infinite amount of planes. They all contain the same amount of suffering.
Sir John Oliver II
Ohhhh here he comes. I’ve been waiting for this.
Will he kick me or shoot me in the head? This is so exciting.
Last time was breathtaking. I’m sure he can’t outdo that.
I’d love to be kicked off the roof.
You never know what will happen next. That’s the beauty of life.
I respect your job. It’s one of the last few hounourable trades left.
I got really into farming by playing a bunch of ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ Farmhouse on my expensive gaming PC.
At some point I just wasn’t getting anything out of it so I decided I’d start farming for real, in real life.
So here we are, not in a video game, and I have my own agricultural business.
It’s a lot easier than the game because I can just make other people do the hard work for me.
It’s slurpnip season in Darkworld.
They market this place as a ski resort but nobody really comes here to ski. I can tell didn’t either… Heh.
The magnificent kinetic sculpture in the lobby was made by the world renowned artist Killforce Gutface. But you obviously knew that already.
Just fantastic. The swamp suite I reserved has been hogged by some pig ♥♥♥♥♥♥ exec. Regular old me just can’t catch a break.
I finally have time for a good vacation and of course this place is jam packed with ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ tourists. ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ hell mate.
You don’t look like the kind of guy who could afford this place.
I’m very picky when it comes to food. No cheese, no eat.
Thank god the fleshrats haven’t reached here yet. I was in the hospital for a week after getting bit by one. Nasty.
Nothing like a frosty brew after frying up in the tanning bed. This place is incredible. It’s nuts.
I had a coffee burger for breakfast. You can’t beat that.
There’s people then there’s people then there’s me. Know what I mean?
Swamp room exec
Please do something about that thing in the bathroom!
I don’t know what the ♥♥♥♥ that thing even is. I know it’s the swamp suite but this is a little too swampy even for me.
I called the hotel management about it and they still haven’t showed up. What a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ joke.
My security guys are complete cowards and refuse to go in there. Who recruited these absolute morons?
If you deal with this I could even pay you. How’s one million dollars sound?
Exec in the hot tub
Whoa bro.. Where’d you come from?
I’m just chilling. I love the serene view and the nice warm bath. Some of the guys want to do business but I’m in no hurry.
Honestly I knew before coming here there would be no deal. I just needed an excuse to relax.
I’m definitely coming back here sometime. If you happen to meet the owner of this place please tell him how much I appreciate his work.
Exec in the bathroom
Can’t even take a piss without some freak like you bothering me.
What is it? Be quick about it.
This trip is an absolute disaster. All of our deals have gone to ♥♥♥♥. I’m readying to declare bankruptcy.
The other guys seem more interested in “relaxing”. I’m the only serious business minded individual here.
You’re also one? That’s good
One more year and I’m going to have enough money to retire for good.
This resort business just isn’t for me. Complaining customers and know it alls who think they know how to run this place better than me.
I will NOT add a water slide. Where would it even go?
Sigh… I should have thicker skin by now.
Thanks for listening. I feel so much better. I never get to say these things to anyone.
You thought that dumbass old man was the one running this magnificent hotel business?
Something this important can’t be left to someone like that.
I am a dark CEO. It is a hereditary title. A sort of corporate nobility. We’re not into publicity. Just pure business.
Weak blood doesn’t have what it takes, but everyone needs to be given an opportunity these days. It’s ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ messed up…
You don’t get a brain like mine without careful breeding.
My doctor diagnosed with Full Spectrum Mental Illness. FSMI. I was sent here to recover. Honestly? Best thing to ever happen to me.
We’re more like a family than a company. It’s so comfers.
Wow, good to see a new face. I like it here but after a while you need fresh blood.
I have become lost.
Vegan meat… heh.
Guy at the start
I’d turn away if I was you.
I’m not sure what’s going on here but it’s not good.
Are you a poverty tourist? Oh….
Did you meet the owner of that ♥♥♥♥♥♥ little farmhouse? He’s always whining and never doing anything.
I’ve been living here for five years. I’m always prepared for the worst. Planning on slaughtering all the freaks in that mine.
I’m writing a book on my experiences. It’s called “The Destruction of Virility: Doom Anus Apocalypse”
This is the life for me. Here in the countryside I will never go back to the city.
It’s only me left in this household now…
Every night they come and take someone. I don’t know where or why.
I used to live here with my wife and bul… Housemate. We never had much but it was a simple and carefree life.
I’m thinking about killing myself before they come for me. Sorry for being so direct. But you haven’t seen them.
I used to be a corporate bigshot but that life just wasn’t for me. I bought this nice house and settled down.
Things only started getting bad during the last couple of months. The soil turned foul, got a fleshy rotten smell to it. All of our crops died.
Then those things started harassing us. Not just my family but everyone else living in the region.
It gradually got worse and worse. And now everyone’s gone.
Please help me find my wife I’m so lonely.
Ahhh. I’m having such a great time here!
This place is full of incredible oozing and pulsating holes. Just what a guy like me needs,
The opportunities are limitless. Just use your imagination.
A good party requires a blood sacrifice.
Everyone’s here to become a better, more complete person.
Nobody’s saying it out loud but I’m glad they purified this place.
I’m the most powerful person in this room. I control this situation. Everyone’s dancing to my tune…
NrNrNr BNBNBNBNBNBNBNRONICHITY…. NNNNNNTRONNNNNNCHTONOMONOTRACHIA….. CRNNNNNNTRRRRRRHYRAXIAPLASTIA….
Theory time. Us civilians are a writhing mass of flesh, vaguely connected by a vegetative psychological link. Our value is determined by an extradimensional being who is toying with us. We have no capacity for thought, we’re simply an ecosystem of flesh.
You’re so composed and cool. Are you an artist?
I need to come here and really let go so I can work on my creative investment portfolio. I have an artistic take on finance.
You invest in the stock market? I’m impressed.
Where’d you get that sexy outfit?
Hearbeat… Good. Brainwaves… Perfect. Blood pressure… Astronomical.
When the beat drops I’m ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ killing myself.
Power is flowing through me. I’m a beast. I’m a destroyer. Get in my way and I will kill you.
Woooow you look cool. Nice outfit.
I’m Earl. I run this freaking epic club complex. It used to be a factory of some sorts but now its been heh, cleaned up, and it looks ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ sick.
I bought like half this ancient arcology and its made me rich as ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥.
Fast cars…. Luxury vodka… Gaming BIOPOD. You name it. I have it.
I’ve already set my eyes on another one of these arcologies. Can’t believe no one has come up with this business yet. It’s so easy, and 100% legal.
I have “party syndrome”…
I get intense gratification from bullying losers online.
You won’t last five seconds around here.
I could snap you like a twig. I have a home gym.
To kill is to live. I live a warrior lifestyle.
Eat raw eggs. Sperm. Datura. And you can achieve what I have full natty. If you have what it takes.
Greatness is achieved through violence of action.
Our traditions are oriented around power. Power comes from the soul. I can tell you have none.
Full Spectrum Mental Illness is a disease of the spirit. Cleanse yourself with death.
I follow the teachings of the ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥.
The strong decide the nature of sin.
I used to be a graphic designer. I’m reformed now.
That is false. Move on.
You’re the one who moved into that old house? Know you’re not welcomed here.
You won’t last a month. City♥♥♥♥ers like you don’t have the guts for real country life.
Wouldn’t visit the town if I was you. Might get shot… People are on the edge with augmentoids like you.
Please leave. I don’t want to be caught talking to a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥.
Name’s Brad. I’m the village’s carpenter.
I’m not like the others. I don’t care where you’re from. Business is business.
They detest me but none of them can work with wood at all. They tried and one of their houses ended up collapsing. They need me.
Still. I’d stay away from the village. You never know what those people will come up with next.
The air around here can cause severe psychological damage.
My traditional biotech remedies won’t work on an augoid like you.
There’s no saving you. I think you should be purified.
I have received the blessings of the Triagon.
First Triagon guy
The first of the Triagons was born of malice. It grasped the flow of terror with both hands, and perched on top of this world. The germ is born.
It looked into the sun. Beyond the veil of power. It extended its bulging vascular arms through the boundary and took its share. The disease spreads.
It assumed total control of the biological shape of things. It became primal engine of technological progress. And so everything started to twist and turn, pulsate and pump. The infection is final.
Second Triagon guy
When the second Triagon descended from the newly emerging mass of Life, the world was mired in confusion and chaos. The overwhelming cluster of biology got on its nerves. It demanded calm. The feeding begins.
It saw visions of guts, of decay and metabolism. The opportunity had come to extend a cavern of intestines deep into the ground. To start processing the glut of organic mass. To introduce limits to writhing and ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥. Chlorohydric acid.
Existence became a scarce product, and the nervebags came to detest the limits. Suffering was born. The second triagon was content with its power. It was happy. Metabolic Domination.
Third Triagon guy
The third Triagon was born of death. It saw the world was radiating excess energy. It wanted to put great things into motion. But it saw that greatness wasn’t possible without value. The first transaction.
It took its blade and cut a large hole into the boundary, creating a sudden flash of high volume transactional power. And just for a moment, things seeped value into themselves, assuming souls. The second transaction.
The hole was quickly mended, and the overpowering transmission of value was cut short. But in that moment the seed of primordial financial might was planted, and the world took on its transactional form. Conflict and discord emerged, and the third Triagon was ecstatic. The third transaction.
- Cruelty Squad: Fishing Guide
- Cruelty Squad: Basic Guide & Tips
- Cruelty Squad: How to Find the Secret Weapons
- Cruelty Squad: Fast Money Guide