At the center of every great dynasty is the crown jewel, which keeps it alive and thriving! For the Krusty Krab, this is the Krabby Patty.
And now you, the humble employee of the industry, the all too necessary human resource that keeps this business afloat will earn the sacred and dark secrets of how to prepare with your very own hands…
The sumptuous, the lip moistening, spine tingling, heart stopping pleasure center that is the Krabby Patty! Are you ready?
But first, we’ll have to get you in shipshape working condition.
Uniform and Personal Hygiene
Before you handle any of the krabby patty ingredients, you should look out for your personal hygiene. A good employee always washes himself/herself thoroughly. Be sure to get under those fingernails.
Polish those boots. Make sure they’re mirror shine!
Make sure your face is clear of any blemishes or boils. We don’t want those nasty pus and dry skin falling on the Krabby Patties, ya hear?!
Make sure your hair is neat and tidy. I don’t want those nasty hair of yer’s dropping on the patties. Make me timbers shiver, nasty patty, arghhhh!
Wearing the KK employee hat is an honor and a privilege, it should be treated as such. Keep it on your head at all times while on the premises.
And don’t forget your name tag, we don’t want you losing your identity.
It’s important to keep your area tidy and free of droppings. But a clean workstation is only part of the job. Having a disorganized station can waste a lot of valuable time. you’re not here to waste time are ye?
The grill is the one of the most important appliance in your work station. Keep it clean In order to protect its lifespan and longevity and to ensure your patties always tastes delicious!
To make the vision in your head a reality, you’ll need supplies. And a good employee always keeps his supplies well-organized. Make sure you put them in the fridge.
The ingredients should be fresh and not frozen. Make sure you have all the ingredients on your work space prepared for assembly.
Fire up the grill and put the fresh patties on it. You can already hear the sizzling sound in your head, tssssss…
Make you it has a nice colorful brown crisp on each side. Don’t burn it to a charcoal like squidward does.
Get the onions, tomatoes, lettuce and pickles. Slice them into thin portions.
You don’t need to do it fast if you’re not an expert, slow and steady is key.
Preparing the Krabby Patty
Now that you’ve learned the basics of your training, it’s time for the moment you’ve been waiting for. Da-da-da-da-da-da-daa, Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-daa, Da-da-da-da-da-da-daa Da-da-da-la-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-daa, Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-daa, tssshh Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-daa-da-da-da-da-daa, Ti-ta-ti-ti-ta-ti-ti-ta-ta-ta-la-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-da-la-ba-ba-ba-ba-da-la-ba-ba-baa, Ti-ta-ti-li-ta-ti-li-ti-taa, Ti-ta-ti-li [gasps, then resumes] Ti-ta-ti-li-ta-ti-li-ta-ti-li-ta-ti-li-ta-ti-li-ti-ta-ti-ti-ta-ti-ti-taaaaa. Preparing the Krabby Patty!
Start with putting the cooked patty on the bun and then top it with ketchup, mustard, pickles, onions, lettuce, cheese, tomato, and the top bun in that order.
Since you’re fresh fish, be gentle with it. Tuck those pickles in.
Tell them a story while you’re at it.
Remember, perfect patties are made with love. You put it together with your own loving hands. And for Neptune’s sake, don’t use magic!
Remember to keep it simple and have fun when you’re working. Don’t ask Mr. Krabs for a raise, you won’t win that fight.
Keep practicing on it and perfect your craft, Who knows? You might be able to feed hundreds of anchovies in a minute, someday.
You might even become a God and cook in Atlantis for King Neptune himself! (he’s bad at cooking)
Seriously, look me up when you get there, Hehehe.
Well? what are you sitting around there fer!? GET OUT THERE AND MAKE YOURSELF USEFUL, LAD/LASS! WE’RE NOT PAYING YOU TO SIT AROUND HERE!
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